My Journey Begins...

>> Sunday, January 4, 2009

So here I am standing at the edge ready to take a huge flying leap, not a leap to end but to begin. This leap is one of healing, love and trust...in myself. Yes my journey will entail weight loss and exercise but that is only a part, a small part of my journey to my self enlightenment. You see my weight is a symptom of the broken parts of me. Yes I am broken and in order to put things back together the glue that will renew is love for myself, trust in myself and healing the broken aspects that seem to plague me.

Am I scared you ask? Of course anytime one has to confront themselves, be brutally honest with themselves and then seek to change themselves there is fear. But this is just the next part of my journey. You see I have over come and challenged before. I have won the battles and lost them too however the past years of counseling, and confrontation of my depression and anxiety have take me to this edge and readied me for the leap.

I think I am weak. Weak in body, weak in mind for I seem to stumble and fall so often, but in truth I am strong, so strong that I survived over and over again. I survived:

  • abandonment
  • emotional abuse
  • weight loss/gains
  • marriage separations and resolutions
  • miscarriages
  • major surgeries
  • job losses/gains
  • depression, anxiety, panic attacks
  • death of loved ones
  • sickness/genetic heart condition

This list can go on but what I can tell you is that I survived these hurdles when I thought I could not take one more step, when the night seemed to never end and the loneliness was closing in on me. I adapted, I learned, I grew and evolved.

This is the next evolution. Each pound on me has a story, happiness, sadness, celebration, shame. As each pound comes off so shall the emotions that overwhelm me be dealt with. In this I ask you, my supporters, my friends, my loved ones to come along on my journey for me life is nothing without your love and support.

Tomorrow I will announce the embarrassing, overwhelming weighted pounds that surround the wonderful person that is inside...Me. That number isn't who I am, it is what I have let myself become and as my body can take no more, neither my friends can I.

Come along with me on a journey to find the women inside the body. It is fearful because that person has never been allowed to show herself before, ever and I think she might even surprise me.

2 comments:

Marilyn's Money January 5, 2009 at 7:57 AM  

There is a popular song by Fergie, I kept in my head when I was troubled (I know its sound comical, but I sang this part mentally over and over) "I hope you know, I hope you know, its got nothing to do with you. Its personal my self and I, I got some straightening out to do...." The focus is that its a self battle, you can do it! Life is tough, but we are tougher.

Denise January 5, 2009 at 10:15 AM  

I am so proud of you! this is going to be an incredible journey! It will be the hardest thing you have ever done but also the most rewarding. I am here when you need support,just as I know you are there for me. Together we can do this!

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