Losing Control
>> Sunday, June 7, 2009
Hi my name is Paula and I am a control freak. Yes, I said it a control freak.
I have to learn to let go of things. Going to school and taking these four courses is so much work. I knew it would be but it is very demanding. Now add to that that I worked over 32.5 hours last week doing assessments and follow up paper work. I had 6 assessments and I have six more scheduled this week with three exams and I am trying to finish one novel right now I started this morning for class plus text book reading and papers. Enter the control freak issue....
I can not do everything. I have to rely on my family. The pool is draining and will be cleaned and refilled by my family. I am freaking out they are going to do it wrong.
We have no "real" food in the house. I have got to get away from fast food and I need the family to cook and have some things ready for me to eat when I get home. Control problem number two...leaving hubby to go the store, not having coupons, not knowing what extra crap he will pick up. Like it really matters.
Money....control issue number three....I cant do all the banking as I normally do right now and there is no reason he cant....just freaks me out.
Control issue number four....the puppies...yes I love them and they adore me...they need food/water and puppy class....nothing cant or isn't being done...why am I worried about them?
Control freak number five....household cleaning needs done. My daughter already agreed to do some major house and yard cleaning as long as I make her a list....freaks me out what if they touch my garden?
Yes my name is Paula and I am a control freak...God help me because I need to lighten up or I am going to lose my mind. Why are we women so afraid to let loose? Why do we have to have so much control?
6 comments:
Why do we freak? Because no matter what we are always the ones held accountable by others or most of all ourselves! Just found you thry Taters Kate, & am enjoying your blog
Paula, breathe! Housework will wait for you! Focus on the classes right now, they won't. I do know how it is though, when all the easy "snack" foods are gone my family thinks they are starving!
You made me smile when I read your post. We are so much alike it is scary!!! LOL
Well as a fellow member of the CF club....take a breathe and try try try to just let go...now I wouldn't let go with the garden, but the house work and shopping will be fine...and remember its just temporary.
Take a deep breath and let it out....
Ahhhhhhhhh
Again.
Ahhhhhhhhh
I think the reason we freak, is because if we don't do it, we know it won't get done properly.
As if it matters.
WHY do we put these expectations on ourselves though?
When I die, I would rather people said, "oh, she was always so much fun and willing to join in with a good laugh."
Instead, I fear they're going to say
"Geez,, she sure was boring as hell and a nasty old control freak, wasn't she?
I'm TRYING to let go, but it's so hard!!!
Is this where we go to join the help group? I really understand the terrible feeling that comes with letting go. It never really works out for me. Maybe its my family but it doesn't work out. I suggest you supervise them. I let DH help with our pool and he blew a ton of sand into it! Took forever to get it out. Just an FYI on the pool. Good luck and if you figure out how to turn over your control please let me know, I also need help.
Thanks everyone. At least I know I am not alone. I will say that I prayed alot on the way home from a client tonite for the power to let go and for the Lord to grant me some peace. I probably wouldn't be so bad but three tests and one is a huge one is kinda got me on edge.
I have just decided whatever happens this week is fine. I just can't do it all so if the house burns down we have insurance. lol
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